Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels Weird (And What to Do About It)

Let’s just say it—making friends as a grown woman is weird.

It can feel like dating, but with more “Do I belong here?” vibes and fewer cocktails. You walk into a room of strangers, spot someone who looks vaguely friendly, and wonder, “Should I say hi? Will they think I’m awkward? Am I too much? Not enough? Do I even have the energy for this today?”

And yet, deep down, we all crave connection. Real, soul-deep connection. The kind you can’t get from a double-tap or a well-timed emoji reply.

But unlike when we were kids—where friendships started on the playground over a shared snack or a sparkly sticker—adult friendship comes with a side of pressure. Pressure to be impressive. Pressure to have it together. Pressure to offer something “of value.”

I see it all the time in the community I host, Santa Fe Hive. It happened again just this week, in fact.

We had one of our local luncheons—smaller than usual because a few people canceled last minute. Instead of getting flustered, I paused. Took a breath. Two names floated into my mind. One of those women, Francesca, said yes and joined. The other, Barbara, was coincidentally at the very same restaurant celebrating a friend’s birthday. And while she didn’t join us at the table, we shared a quick hello and a warm hug.

Which felt so full-circle.

You see, I met Barbara over six years ago… in a spa of all places. She was looking for a hairbrush. I normally don’t talk to strangers in public settings like that—but something nudged me to speak up, to be friendly, to connect. That simple moment of presence turned into a beautiful friendship that’s lasted for years. I even wrote about that unexpected friendship in this article because it reminds me that connection often begins when we least expect it, and usually when we lead with openness instead of outcome.

And oh—this lunch. It was one of those gatherings where you could practically feel the sacred sisterhood in the air. No one came to posture. We showed up, as-is. Each woman brought a little heaviness with her—life stuff, you know? And yet… everyone chose to stay. To share. To support. No one tried to fix anyone else’s problems. We just listened. Held space. And it felt like magic.

It reminded me of something I talked about in this week’s episode of my podcast, The Courage To Be™, where I unpack the awkwardness of adult friendship and the beautiful breakthroughs that happen when we shift from “What can I get?” to “How can I serve?”

One of my favorite reminders came from my daughter, actually. She made a new friend recently just by chatting with another kid on a walk. That’s it. No icebreakers. No business cards. Just natural, open-hearted curiosity.

Kids are masters at connection because they don’t overthink it. They don’t wonder if the other kid is “their level” or if the friendship will be “strategic.” They just connect. Laugh. Share. Repeat.

So here’s what I’m learning—and re-learning—about making (and keeping) friends as an adult:

Lesson 1: Lead with generosity, not transaction.

You’re not at a networking event. You’re a human connecting with another human. Ask yourself, “Am I here to get something—or give something?” The answer shifts everything.

Lesson 2: Follow the nudge.

You know that inner whisper that says “Invite her,” “Say hello,” “Send the text”? Trust it. It’s how miracles and memories begin. Francesca almost didn’t come to lunch. But she did—and the ripple effect of connection it created? Priceless.

Lesson 3: Hold space without fixing.

We’re not here to solve each other. We’re here to see each other. To witness. When we stop trying to fix and instead simply listen, connection deepens.

If you’re craving more aligned, heartfelt friendships—start small. Smile. Ask the second question. Follow up. And please, please remember: it’s not just you. It’s not too late. You’re not too much. And the right people? They’re looking for you, too.

🎧 Want more tools, stories, and support?

Listen to this week’s episode of The Courage To Be™ for practical ways to build adult friendships that feel real and nourishing.

🌴 And hey—feeling generous? I’ve got something fun for you.

Each month, I give away a 7-night, 8-day complimentary vacation to one lucky listener. Yup, it’s real. You’ll get to stay at one of over 3,000 resorts worldwide (valued at $2,000–$5,000). All you have to cover are your airfare, taxes, and fees.

To enter:

1. Leave a rating and written review of The Courage To Be™ on Apple Podcasts

2. Take a screenshot before submitting

3. Email it to help.thecouragetobe@gmail.com with the subject line: gift

✨ Bonus entries for thoughtful comments on YouTube episodes—just send a screenshot!

Because sharing courage deserves a reward. And who knows? That dream getaway could be the perfect place to deepen an old friendship—or spark a new one.

To your success and abundance!

Tania

Listen to the Top 2% Global ranking Podcast by clicking here