When You Can’t Find Your Own Courage, Borrow It

vasallophoto
Aug 16
4 min read

I’ve been quieter than usual these past couple of weeks—and not because I haven’t had anything to say. It’s because life has been… a lot.

Two weeks ago, I landed in Bali with my husband and daughter after six months of preparation for this international move, ready to begin a dream we’d been building toward for years. We expected that first week to be about relaxation, decompression, and shaking off the jet lag. I imagined peaceful mornings, new cultural adventures, and the slow exhale that comes with a big life change.

Instead, reality hit. Our home wasn’t ready. In just 13 days, I’ve slept in seven different beds, bouncing from hotel rooms to Airbnbs, living out of a suitcase—and often not knowing where we’d be sleeping next beyond a day or two at a time. The plans we thought were set kept shifting, and the constant moving made the transition even harder. Add to that the reality of parenting a neurodivergent child—where transitions and new environments often bring heightened meltdowns—and we’ve had more than a few difficult moments. We even had a few days when our little trio wasn’t all operating at full physical strength, making the bouncing from place to place feel that much harder. I’ll share more about this part of the journey in a future post.

In the middle of this chaos, I got news about 3 people close to me, each facing serious health battles. Their journeys have been long, hard, and uncertain, requiring courage I can barely fathom. Witnessing their resilience reminded me of the role courage plays in all of our lives—and how we each have to tap into it at different moments. These past two weeks, I’ve had to tap into my own reserves, too.

It’s also reminded me of a truth I talk about in this week’s podcast episode: courage isn’t something we always have to generate on our own. We can borrow it.

What it means to “borrow” courage

Courage can come from a memory, a mentor, a role model, or even a moment that cracked your heart open and reminded you of who you really are. It can be found in the people who inspire you just by living their lives.

When my own courage felt depleted, I thought about my loved ones showing up for themselves every day, despite fear and fatigue. If they could endure treatments, uncertainty, and pain, surely I could make it through another day of transition. Their courage became my courage.

This isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. We’re not meant to be endlessly self-sufficient. We’re wired for connection. Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do is let yourself be held up by someone else’s belief in you until you can stand tall again.

How to tap into borrowed courage

If you’re feeling like your own well is dry, here are a few ways to plug into someone else’s strength:

Look for expanders. Who stretches your sense of what’s possible? It might be a friend, a mentor, a historical figure, or even a character in a book.
Ask for perspective—or simply to be heard. In my case, one of the most powerful sources of courage in these past weeks came from a close friend who simply listened. She didn’t try to fix my situation or offer solutions. She just heard me out. And when you feel truly heard, your shoulders drop, your breath deepens, and something inside says, You can do this.
Pay attention to their habits. Notice how they navigate fear, disappointment, or setbacks.
You’re not alone. Remember that even the most confident people borrow courage sometimes.

Right now, my expanders are both my loved ones in recovery—showing up daily for the hard work of healing—and the friends who create a safe space for me to be raw and real. They remind me that I can keep showing up for my family, my work, and my own dreams—even if I’m tired, even if things don’t look the way I planned.

Passing it on

Borrowing courage is a cycle. One day you need the boost; another day you provide it. Right now, I’m on the receiving end. But I know that down the road, when Bali feels like home, someone else will be in the messy middle of their own big leap. I’ll be able to tell them: “I know it’s hard. Borrow my belief in you until yours comes back.”

If you need a reminder of this truth, I recorded a short 10-minute episode on this exact topic—how to lean on others, not out of weakness, but out of wisdom. You can listen here: https://taniavasallo.lpages.co/the-courage-to-be-podcast/

These past weeks have been challenging, but they’ve also been a gift—a reminder that courage is never a solo act. It’s a shared current we pass between us, back and forth, again and again.

Who could you borrow courage from today? And who might be quietly borrowing it from you?

To your success and abundance!

Tania