We’re Celebrating 20 Years of Marriage—Just Not in the Way I Imagined

vasallophoto
Jul 5
3 min read

Twenty years ago, I got married in Galicia, Spain, at our 11 generation farmhouse tucked just thirty minutes from the Camino de Santiago. It was one of the most sacred and beautiful days of my life.

This summer, I had pictured a celebration back in that same farmhouse—maybe a small gathering with our daughter, some friends, and a warm breeze under the Spanish stars. I imagined something that honored the full-circle moment we were in. And truthfully, my husband imagined something too. Months ago, he mentioned wanting to rent a special location and plan a celebration with wily and friends, renewing our vows.

But here’s what happened instead:

We moved closer to a different dream.

Right now, he’s back east visiting family—with our daughter—and I’m here, deep in the final stages of preparing for our move to Bali. The celebration didn’t happen. Not the way we imagined it. But I’m okay with that.

Because this is what following a big dream can look like.

Our Bali story started 13 years ago. My husband and I were watching a TED Talk about a magical school in the middle of the jungle. We didn’t have kids back then, but we looked at each other and said, “Too bad we don’t have children, because that school looks amazing.” Something inside me stirred. I knew—someday—I would go.

Fast forward, and we do have a daughter. And when the time came to start looking at middle schools, I threw out the idea to my family: “What if we moved to Bali?” Our daughter was instantly in. My husband took a little more time, but he got there too. And so, we started planning.

But like with any dream, things rarely go exactly as planned.

We had to fix things in the house. Our timeline shifted more than once. We had to let go of some things—including, yes, our 20-year anniversary celebration.

And what I’ve learned again and again is this:

Big dreams often ask us to trade what’s “ideal” for what’s meaningful.

They ask us to trust that not everything needs to happen on the exact right date, or in the perfect location, or in the way Instagram might expect. They ask us to be flexible. To let go together.

We’ll still celebrate—just not now. Maybe it will be a dinner when he returns. Maybe something quiet and intimate in Bali. Maybe a full-on party at an “off” year like our 22nd. Because the truth is: we get to choose how and when we honor what matters.

And that, in itself, is a celebration.

So if you’re in a season where you’re letting go of what something should look like—whether it’s a milestone, a goal, or a moment—you’re not alone. Sometimes you have to let go of one beautiful thing to make space for another. That’s not failure. That’s love. That’s courage. That’s the path.

This week on the podcast, I’m sharing more about the three core pillars I believe make a relationship sustainable—not just over 20 years, but in the everyday choosing, adapting, and growing.

If you want to listen, you can find it here

Because love isn’t in the picture-perfect—it’s in the showing up, again and again, even when the celebration gets delayed.

Keep choosing courage—and trust abundance will follow,

Tania

P.S. Substack is now where I’ll be sharing my most honest, in-the-moment letters. I’d love for you to join me.